Bear's Blog

A parasocial relationship means it is one-sided. It started happening with the printing press, then radio and TV, and now the internet. Many people are well-known through their media presence. Newscasters, political figures, storytellers, entertainers and influencers are liked, admired and trusted. Some we disapprove of, are disgusted by, or hold responsible for all kinds of things real or imagined. This dynamic is expanding and pervasive - but how healthy is it for us? What are its limits?

We have a range of relationships. Some of the most familiar are with parents. Then there are those we’ve spent the most time with; relatives, siblings, long term friends, and partners. We also have multitudes of people (and animals) we are more or less close to that come and go throughout our lives. A physical connection has always been part of those relationships and is critical for true intimacy. 

This phenomena of parasocial relationships really blossomed with the internet,  exploding during Covid when so many of our interactions moved online. No matter how transparent a person can be about their life, experiences and feelings we don’t truly know them. We understand what’s presented onscreen is not fully who they are; yet the frequent, friendly exposure and a shared worldview create an emotional bond. Responding in a livestream chat is a minimal interaction between parties. 

It’s called social media for a reason. It’s expanded our ability to connect with others around a particular interest or identity, which can make us feel less isolated. In dating apps people can develop intellectual and emotional relationships, but when meeting in person there’s no “chemistry”. Then there’s the tendency to present your best face - the modern version of keeping up with the Jones’s, an ideal of perfection - or even deceive. I think the concept of online communities is an oxymoron. People communicating in an online group chat is superficial, unless an effort is made to talk outside of that format. A live, back and forth exchange is actual dialog.

The meaning of a “live” event has shifted to a specific time online, usually with a secondary replay experience available. It can be a Q&A  with pre-selected questions, or pulled from the chat and answered by the presenter (maybe with a direct conversation if “called on”.) As creators strive to maximize their audience, access becomes more and more limited. The best of this format is when there’s live dialog; when groups meet together over time, getting to know other with back and forth exchanges between all.  What I still find lacking in these settings is the casual talk and unstructured moments that come before and after in-person meetings. It’s how a true social bond forms and grows.

We’ve also come to rely on social media for all kinds of information. Traditional, independent journalism has become scarce as newspapers are bought by corporate monopolies that limit or distort the “news”. We then go to other online sources, which can be dangerous if we only associate within a “silo” of shared beliefs, not facts. Corporate and political censorship also comes into play, and algorithms keep us separated and divided.

Like big corporations have taken over media, even bigger ones have taken over all the tech we use to engage online. It’s how we are doing everything from banking and shopping to communicating and connecting. Increasingly we are interacting with AI and a curated reality instead of people. It’s especially dangerous if we rely on devices to provide the companionship and conversation we are missing in our REAL lives.

I am still profoundly moved by the Walk for Peace (shared online!). The main practice described in every talk was to write down and say every morning “This is going to be my peaceful day.” We’re the only ones that can mess that up! If we allow ourselves to be triggered by people and events outside ourselves, we won’t experience peace. While  not avoiding or denying what’s swirling around us, we can still feel the suffering, beauty and hope in the moment and maintain our ground. Then we’re able to have an open-hearted experience of others, and of our world.

Peace, love and healing -

Bear